I was talking to a dear friend the other day and she said, "They all make letting go sound so easy. 'Just let go,' like it's the easiest thing in the world."
I looked at her and said, "They're a bunch of liars. Letting go is hard shit. In fact, it's the hardest shit ever!!!"
I've never been able to easily let go. When I was a little girl my mom took me to the zoo with my stuffed cat. It was the most perfect white stuffed cat, and it was absolutely my favorite thing in the world.
That day, at the zoo, I lost my beloved stuffed cat. One would've thought I'd lost a leg the way I screamed and cried for this thing. For weeks, my mom couldn't get me to stop crying for the stuffed cat. It was then that I knew, attachment and letting go were going to be an issue for me.
And they are. Over time I have learned some ways to detach and to trust the process of the universe-- to pray, to surrender, and to let go, but I have not gone down without a fight.
It's taken me years to understand what it is to embrace these ways of being. I've always been one to try to control an outcome rather than to sit back and let it unfold naturally. As I've practiced yoga and meditated I've become more drawn to sitting back and letting life unfold, but this doesn't mean I am proficient at it. In fact, even though I find it so sexy to be this cool, it is a battle in my soul to live life this way.
Rather than a gentle submission it is a kicking and screaming the whole way. Even though I invite the freedom of letting go and the peacefulness of surrendering, my mind pulls rank and has me spinning through turmoil.
Without my even realizing it, I am caught in a whirlwind of obsession fit for a scene in a movie, creating paranoid delusions, lapping them like a hamster on a wheel until a beautiful thing happens, I close my eyes, take a breath and let go.
You might be thinking, horseshit! She can't possibly let go that easily. And, you would be right. My ability to let go, to jump off the hamster wheel, to get control of my mind has come from years and years of practice and I still have to check myself on a daily basis. Sometimes, I have to check myself several times a minute.
But, after years of practice, I can honestly say that I have the ability to pray, surrender, and to let go...
I urge you to join me in this process. Free yourself from the control of your mind, get into your heart, converge it with the beat of the universe and learn to let go. Even to feel that freedom for a second is the most beautiful feeling of all.
When you notice yourself lapping around like a hamster on a wheel. Close your eyes, pray to God to help you see this situation differently, surrender to the Divine, take a breathe, and LET GO...
Less thinking, more praying. Less worrying, more praying. Less doing, more praying. Less controlling, more praying. Less thinking, more praying. More praying, more surrendering. More surrendering, more letting go!
Prayer. Surrender. Let go.
Peace and Love...xo